When I first looked at him, Mr. Chan, or Brandon Chan BB as he was formally known, exuded an aura of uncertainty. With caution, I extended my hand to pat his back, only to be met with a gaze filled with silent longing. As I reached to touch his head, he swiftly sank his teeth into my finger, leaving a painful mark that required numerous visits to the doctor and a series of tetanus shots.
Image 1: I was deceived by this melancholic gaze back then
A volunteer from the cat rescue center shared the heartbreaking tale of Mr. Chan's traumatic past. Abandoned on a desolate island, he faced water and food scarcity. Though kind-hearted fishermen offered him sustenance, his survival instincts had shaped him into a fierce and dangerous creature. After his rescue, he had to be kept in a cage as he posed a significant threat to those around him, requiring the volunteer to wear special gloves during feeding.
Image 2: Two seconds after taking this photo, my finger was bitten.
I couldn't help but be drawn to the profound melancholic gaze of Mr. Chan
Image 3: A photo taken at the cat rescue center back in the day, now... turned into a chubby man.
As a psychologist, I couldn't help but be drawn to the profound sadness in Mr. Chan's eyes. I felt an innate desire to offer him a loving home and a chance at a better life.
His first adoption quickly ended when his incessant barking led his owner to confine him to a cage. Dejected, he returned to the cat center, and his appetite diminished.
The second attempt at adoption was equally short-lived, as Mr. Chan bit his new owner, resulting in an immediate return.
The volunteers approached me cautiously, concerned about my motives for wanting to adopt Mr. Chan. They feared he would face yet another disappointment.
Finding a suitable adopter for him would be challenging if I didn't step forward. Little did I know I was about to embark on an extraordinary journey of nurturing a "wild animal."
Upon bringing him home, Mr. Chan's barking persisted throughout the day. Each bark carried a different voice, resembling the * dissociation experienced by humans when they detach from their own identities and assume various roles. His vocalizations were unique; at night, they echoed through the air, resembling a cacophony of fighting cats. Thankfully, my elderly neighbor had some hearing impairment.
I delved into understanding Mr. Chan from a psychological perspective, striving to comprehend the depths of his inner turmoil.
Contrary to conventional practice, I decided against confining him to a cage. Recognizing his fear, I allowed him to roam freely within our home.
Fortuitously, we had an elder cat named Holland Bean, a wise and seasoned companion. She showed no fear of Mr. Chan's barking and would occasionally sit next to him, seemingly advising him to cease his futile efforts. It was as if she were saying, "Enough with the noise, handsome boy. Shouting won't solve anything—eat your food!"
In moments of dissociation, I could sense Mr. Chan's panic and despair through his screams. One day, I sat on the floor with him in silent companionship, spending hours by his side and occasionally responding to his calls. Over the course of a few months, the piercing yowls gradually faded. I believe that acknowledging the existence of his different identities, and understanding that they arose as a response to various threats, allowed Mr. Chan to feel accepted and valued as a whole being.
Two years have passed, and Mr. Chan still exhibits peculiar behavior. Every day, like clockwork, at 7:00 a.m., his yowls resound throughout the house, persisting until I rise from sleep. He occasionally urinates on the bed, despite my best efforts to train him as per the doctor's advice, which proved futile.
During that time, I attended an autism training program where a remarkable story touched my heart. Elaine Hall, the speaker at the program, shared a deeply inspiring story about her son, who had severe autism. He would often resist leaving the house, causing immense frustration and difficulty for Elaine and her family. Each outing became a lengthy process of coaxing and cajoling her son, desperately trying to get him to step outside. The doctors assured her that this was a common challenge, but Elaine couldn't help but feel the weight of their reality.
One day, as Elaine patiently waited for her son to gather the courage to leave, she observed him wandering around the front yard. He circled an abandoned truck tire, seemingly fixated on the reflective metal part at its center. Intrigued, Elaine closely observed her son's actions, shadowing his every move. To her astonishment, she realized that her son found solace in looking at his reflection, where sunlight danced, and landscapes mirrored. It was as if he had been captivated by his own image. They promptly left the house once Elaine shared that transformative moment with him.
From that day forward, her son no longer resisted leaving the house.
Elaine's story resonated deeply within me, and in that poignant moment, my thoughts turned to Mr. Chan.
As Mr. Chan began his habitual yowling the following morning at the usual hour, I approached him with a newfound tenderness. With gentle strokes, I softly spoke and sang to him. I even played Faye Wong's "Heart Sutra" to connect with his inner self. Then, I asked him what he truly desired, and to my surprise, he immediately darted toward his food. I sat beside him, realizing that all he longed for was my company during breakfast.
I was moved by the simplicity of his heart, and tears streamed down my face as I made a heartfelt contract with him: "Let's make a deal. We will have breakfast at 8 instead."
Miraculously, he never urinated on the bed again.
To be continued...
*Dissociation is a psychological phenomenon that refers to the separation between a person's consciousness, feelings, memories, identity, or perceptions. When a person experiences trauma, extreme stress, shock, or other psychological stimuli, they may exhibit dissociative symptoms. Dissociation can cause individuals to feel disconnected from reality, experience distorted physical sensations, have a distorted sense of time, and lack memory of their own identity or personal history.
Dissociation is a self-protective mechanism allowing individuals to distance themselves from emotionally overwhelming experiences or memories. However, when dissociation becomes persistent and significantly impairs functioning and quality of life, professional psychotherapy or medication may be necessary to gradually alleviate dissociative symptoms. The goal of therapy often involves helping individuals reintegrate their experiences, and fostering psychological wholeness by embracing the totality of their being.